“Can you imagine what Columbia would be like if we never met each other?” J asked me as we strolled around campus one last time before heading home for winter break. We were feeling especially sentimental because I was saying goodbye to campus until September. To this day, I still cannot figure out why I chose to study and do research in Paris for eight months, but I know that at the time of my decision, it made perfect sense to “leave.”

As J and I wandered into the park and J began searching for a dark-haired dog to pet and wipe her chocolate-covered fingers on (I can’t believe ourselves either.), I started to feel a tinge of remorse about studying abroad. I didn’t want to “run away” and decompress anymore. I wanted to return to campus again and be the Noel Duan that I knew I was. I refused to take “no” as an answer as a freshman. I was fearless and considerably less clumsy; I wore heels to class almost all the time. I once claimed during a game of truth-or-dare that I would rather make-out with a stranger than wear sweatpants to class.

After letting these second thoughts marinate in my head for 48 hours, though. I’ve realized that Paris is going to be great for me. As cliché as it sounds, I think I will grow up a lot in the next eight months. A lot of things could potentially happen in this time period, but being burned out will not be one of them. The worst case scenario would be that I desperately miss Columbia and I will return back to campus with more enthusiasm than a freshman seeking friends and booze during orientation week.

Christmas Day just arrived in California about 12 minutes ago. I am also finally 21. I always felt special for having a birthday on Christmas and for having a name like Noel, because I really liked the idea that people around the world were celebrating and spreading the love on my birthday. I never feel older on my birthday, and I’m not feeling very sentimental at the moment (I am still tired from pulling too many all-nighters for final exams and moving out of my suite by myself, and I have the bruises and bags under my eyes to show for it.), but… Maybe it’s better to get some sleep before I keep rambling without a point. I think I have a lot to write about in the next few days. I love writing, but I had to compartmentalize my thoughts and store them away for the past few weeks, since blogging isn’t as appealing as sleep after you’ve written a 30-page paper worth 40% of your grade.

Joyeux Noël! And whoever you are reading this, I’d love to hear how your holiday season has been going.