E. Jean’s column is always my favorite part of ELLE every month. I was talking to a friend about how much I want to try to get an internship with her, in fact. Words cannot describe my admiration for her.

Here are some choice bits that stuck out to me between waking up from my afternoon nap and frantically scrambling for my next class, but you should read the whole thing when you have time:

8. Don’t read blogs written by unhappy, spiteful people. Bad blogs will mangle your mood. Instead, spend an hour a day with your Moleskine notebook, connecting deeply with your own spiteful thoughts. At least they’ll be original. And P.S.: Anyone can make history. Only a great woman can tweet it.

5. Stay attuned to your mother’s vanities. These are the key to how she set out to build your character. My mother always wanted me to be a writer. On my birth announcements, she declared, “A great novelist is born!” Close, but no cigar, Ma.

12. Don’t expect a man to give you multiple orgasms. Indeed, you’ll live a more fulfilling life if you don’t expect a man to give you multiple anything.

15. When you’re in college, don’t worry too much about grades. Other than getting into a decent grad school and associating with the cream of your generation, getting straight A’s means diddly-squat in the real world, where it’s all about hustle, determination, focus, dressing right, sucking up, and who you know.

19. If you want to be told you look gorgeous, tell people they look stunning. We’re all the prettiest girl in the room, depending on the day, the hour, and the room.